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• A Kiwi musician is on trial for alleged physical abuse between 2022 and 2023.
• The defence claims the complainant initiated the physical aggression and was controlling.
• A new witness who previously dated the woman alleges she punched him, she claims he gave her permission to after he cheated on her.

An ex-partner of a woman who alleges she was abused by a New Zealand musician says she punched him “out of the blue” on the nose when they were in a relationship.

She accepted she punched him, but told the court he had given her permission to after he allegedly cheated on her.

The accused, who is in his 50s and has interim name suppression, is facing 11 charges relating to alleged physical abuse between late 2022 to late 2023.

His Auckland District Court trial began last week and he pleaded not guilty to all charges.

The prosecution alleges he physically and psychologically abused the complainant whereas the defence argues the woman, more than 20 years his junior, initiated the aggression and he only used force in self-defence.

Today, a fresh witness called by the defence alleged when he was in a relationship with the woman she was controlling about social media and had punched him.

He claimed she had an issue with him having female friends on social media and would at times “bombard” him with calls and texts.

The complainant accepted her emotions would “skyrocket” over the small things during that relationship and she would be “extremely jealous” of his female friendships.

She confirmed on one occasion she did punch him in the nose, but alleged it occurred after he had cheated on her and he had given her permission to do so.

“Regardless, I did punch him and that’s not okay.”

The complainant said she would bombard him with calls but it occurred when he had been smoking methamphetamine for three or four days and she wanted to speak to him.

He denied smoking meth or cheating on her.

Earlier in the week the defendant told the court a message he sent calling the woman a “pre-menstrual b****” had been “cherry-picked” and taken out of context.

While he acknowledged the comment was regrettable, he said the reality was she did struggle with mood swings, and he’d be lying if he said her hormones didn’t play a role.

“I think [she] would be the first to admit she was a pre-menstrual b**** sometime.”

He alleged another message he sent her, calling her a “painful dumb b****”, was also cherry-picked.

The man claimed he sent it after she had been “abusing the hell” out of him.

“Honestly, anybody in my situation would be the same.”

Social media has played a key part in the trial, with both the prosecution and defence alleging each side had been controlling of the other’s social media presence.

The musician agreed that women should be able to have male followers and make their own decisions about what they post.

However, he alleged the woman had followed “300” men from Tinder while they were dating and he wasn’t comfortable with that.

“This whole thing about social media and followers etc. it wasn’t about me not allowing [her] anything, it’s about me setting boundaries.”

He claimed he never told her she couldn’t do anything, but said if she didn’t respect his boundaries they couldn’t be together.

Adding “hundreds” of guys from Tinder to her social media was something he was uncomfortable with and he would be “out of the picture” if that’s what she wanted to do.

On Tuesday the court heard a recording of the defendant telling the complainant to go “f*** yourself”.

He said in the audio that she still hadn’t deleted her Instagram account like she said she would and whenever they tried to talk she would have a meltdown.

In the recording, the man said he had given the complainant a chance to show him things would be different but they lasted “four days”.

“I gave you a f***ing chance, you haven’t changed, you never will change.”

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help: If you’re in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information or to find out about donating to other organisations::
• : Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• : Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• : Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• : Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• : For information on family violence
• : National Network of Family Violence Services
• : Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.
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Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers social issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.